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You're a Different Parent After You've Seen the Inside of a NICU with Mara Tesler Stein

In this episode, Justine and Sarah are joined by Mara Tesler-Stein, a clinical psychologist and founder of the Touchstone Institute for Psychotherapy and Training. We talk about EMDR for the perinatal population, the impact on Mara's own perinatal journey as the parent of preemie twins on her professional career, and the experience of having a baby in the NICU.

Summary

Mara begins by sharing the Talmudic quote: “Someone who saves a single life is considered as if they have saved an entire world.” The conversation then delves into the topic of EMDR therapy and its benefits for the perinatal population. Mara explains that EMDR is a trauma-focused therapy that helps individuals process and integrate traumatic experiences. Mara shares her story including her perinatal  journey of preterm labor, extended hospital stay and preemie twins. We explore what it is like for parents who have had to navigate life with a baby in the NICU and the emotional aftermath of that. The conversation explores the three core tasks that parents face in and after a perinatal crisis: developing parental identity for the baby, managing emotions, and managing relationships. Mara share that he loss of innocence and loss of peer group are significant challenges that parents face in the aftermath of a perinatal crisis, but also reassures that with window for attachment stretches well beyond the hour or hours after birth.

Keywords

EMDR therapy, perinatal mental health, birth trauma, NICU, early development, attachment, perinatal crisis, parental identity, healthcare providers,

Takeaways

  • EMDR therapy is a trauma-focused therapy that helps individuals process and integrate traumatic experiences.
  • Trauma in the perinatal period, including the trauma of a NICU experience, can have long-term impacts on individuals and their families.
  • Parents face three core tasks in and after a perinatal crisis: developing parental identity, managing emotions, and managing relationships.
  • Perinatal crises are transformative and can lead to a shift in identity and perspective for parents.
  • The loss of innocence and loss of peer group are significant challenges that parents face in the aftermath of a perinatal crisis.
  • Healthcare providers can understand their role as both the hosts of and guests within families in their care, making space for parents to fulfill their role as parents.

Sound Bites

  • "Someone who saves a single life is considered as if they have saved an entire world."
  • "The healing is already there. My job as the therapist is to help that internal healing mobilize."
  • "The brain's very efficient when it's not being blocked."
  • "Perinatal crises are transformative "
  • "Parents of preemies are different parents"

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Quote

03:02 Understanding EMDR Therapy

06:01 The Power of Healing and Growth

10:06 The Impact of Trauma in the Perinatal Period

14:01 Navigating Medical Settings After NICU Trauma

15:40 Mara Shares Her Personal and Professional Story

24:56 The Three Core Tasks in a Perinatal Crisis

27:54 Challenges of Loss of Innocence and Peer Group

29:42 Navigating Relationships in a Perinatal Crisis

36:01 The Role of Healthcare Providers in Supporting Parents

40:03 The Importance of Acknowledging Parents' Input and Desires

On the Resilient Birth podcast, Justine and Sarah explore the impact of trauma across the perinatal period, from trying-to-conceive to pregnancy, from childbirth to postpartum and parenting. Through an inspirational quote that drives our weekly conversations about trauma and healing, Justine and Sarah explore topics such as birth trauma, parenting as a survivor, and finding healing with vulnerability and compassion that support birthing people and birth professionals.

Each week, listeners leave with takeaways to utilize in their lives and/or clients. Justine and Sarah hold the stories they share with honor and respect with the hope to impart knowledge, increase understanding, and bear witness to this challenging topic.

Sarah is a licensed mental health counselor, educator, and mom of three. She walks with a story of trauma from before and as a result of her perinatal experience.

Justine supports survivors of trauma through perinatal coaching and childbirth education. As well as being a mother of three, she holds a Ph.D. on representations of consent and sexual violence.

Learn more about Sarah and Justine's course called Trauma Informed Fundamentals here: https://resilient-birth.mykajabi.com/traumainformedfundamentals

Mara Tesler Stein, Psy.D., PMH-C is a clinical psychologist and EMDR consultant and trainer in Chicago and Jerusalem. She is the founder and director of The Touchstone Institute for Perinatal
Training where she offers both foundational and advanced EMDR trainings which take deep
dives into the intersections and applications of EMDR and perinatal mental health.
Dr. Stein is a staunch advocate for trauma-focused care and is trained and certified in a range of
integrative trauma therapies. Dr. Stein is also certified in Emotion-Focused Family and Couple
Therapy, Brainspotting, is a Gottman Certified Therapist, and continues to deepen her training in
Clinical Hypnosis, Yoga-Informed treatment, Advanced applications of EMDR, and Ego-State
therapies.

She is the co-author (with Deborah Davis, Ph.D.) of Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child:
The Emotional Journey (Fulcrum, 2004) and Intensive Parenting: Surviving the Journey
Through the NICU (Fulcrum, 2013). She has also contributed book chapters in the areas of
perinatal loss, EMDR treatment, and trauma focused psychological care for NICU families.
Her trauma work is grounded in her personal perinatal journey, which began 28 years ago taking
her through infertility, twin pregnancy, prolonged hospital bedrest, the NICU, and years of
raising NICU graduates.

You can find her at www.touchstoneinstitute.org and at [email protected].